10 Tips on How to be a Successful Wife
1.) Use your ‘Fitnah’ (beauty and overtures of
allurement) to win the heart of your husband.
All women have the ornaments that Allah
blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah SWT
has bestowed you with to win the heart of
your husband. Dress up for your husband at
home. Wear the colours and clothes that he
likes to see you in and use makeup, perfume,
jewellery - in short, whatever it takes to be
attractive to him. From the early years, little
girls have adorned themselves with earrings
and bracelets and worn pretty dresses - as
described in the Qur’an. Continue this
tradition as a wife.
2.) Be sensitive to his moods, feelings and
needs. For example, don’t start complaining
or burden him with problems as soon as he
comes home; rather, welcome him and make
him feel good to be home. Imagine your
husband coming home to a clean house, an
exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared
with care, children clean and sweet smelling,
a clean bedroom - what would this do to his
love for you? Now imagine what the opposite
does to him.
3.) Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-
Ayn (women of jannah), and try to imitate
them. The Qur’an and Sunnah describe the
women in jannah with certain characteristics.
Such as the silk they wear, their large dark
eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it,
wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your
eyes to ‘enlarge’ them, and sing to your
husband.
4.) Do things together or at least allocate
some time of the day to give him your
undivided attention. Be sincere in
appreciating him, show interest in his day, his
activities, his thoughts and opinions. Give him
advice and comfort him when needed. Spend
your husband’s money carefully and try to
keep him informed of where his money is
being spent. Remember not to spend large
amounts of his money without his
permission. Show caring and concern for his
relatives as this is a sure way of securing a
place in his heart. Never object when he
spends on them, as this is a source of
abundance in provision and increase in life
span.
5.) Joke and play games with your husband. A
mans secret: they seek women who are light-
hearted and have a sense of humour. As
Rasulullah SAW told Jabir to marry someone
who would make him laugh and he would
make her laugh. Be cheerful and humorous,
smile often, don’t feel shy to be affectionate
with your husband and make him feel really
happy to be around you. Express your love
frequently and creatively, rather than waiting
for him to do so first.
6.) Be grateful to your husband. Remind
yourself that it’s a tough world out there and
your husband works very hard to provide for
you. So whatever you do, don’t compare him
to other men, unless it is favourably. Thank
your husband constantly for the nice things
he does. Let him know that you appreciate his
efforts, not just through your words, but also
your actions. This is one of the most
important techniques, as the opposite is a
characteristic of the women of hellfire.
7.) Don’t fly into a rage when you have a
difference of opinion or he criticizes you. Stay
calm, control your tongue and don’t challenge
your husband’s authority at that time. Use
your wisdom, tactics and powers of
persuasion later to try to explain your point of
view. Believe the best, not the worst about
him. Be forgiving and accept apologies
graciously rather than holding grudges and
bringing up mistakes of the past. An
argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it
with a simple ‘I’m sorry’ even if it is not your
fault. When you fight back, you are only
adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly
an argument will end when you just say
sincerely, “Look, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends.”
8.) Always seek to please your husband, for
he is your key to jannah. Rasulullah SAW
taught us that any women who dies in a state
where her husband is pleased with her, shall
enter jannah. So please him. Simple things like
serve him the foods he likes, remembering
that variety is the spice of life. Try to eat
together as this fosters companionship.
9.) Listen and Obey! Obeying your husband is
fard (obligatory). Remember that your
husband is the head of the family and as long
as obedience to him does not entail any sin, it
is your duty to obey him. Show respect for
your husband by not divulging your private
and confidential issues to others, or by
complaining about him to people or
discussing your marital problems with those
who cannot help you.
10.) Make dua to Allah SWT to make your
marriage and relationship successful. All good
things are from Allah. Never forget to ask
Allah SWT for the blessing of having a
successful marriage that begins in this dunya
and continues on - by the Mercy of Allah SWT
into jannah.
May Allah SWT give us the favour of changing
what we can change (like ourselves), patience
with what we cannot change (like our
spouse), and the wisdom to understand the
difference. Whatever truth is in it is from Allah
and His Messenger, and whatever mistakes
are from the shaytaan and myself; And Allah
and His Messenger are absolved from it.